Kristiana Corona
Hey everyone. Hello and welcome to the Worthy to Lead podcast. I'm your host, Kristiana Corona, and I'm so glad to have you here today. this is a special episode because I am joined by my former UT Dallas executive coaching teacher, Pam Aks. So glad to have you here who besides being a teacher is also a talented mindset coach. and I know there's a lot of you out there that are, you know, really facing unprecedented challenges this year.
It's been a tough year and you're dealing with a lot of stress, organizational chaos, all of the things that are happening in the economy around us. And it's hard to not pass that negativity down to your team. So what I wanted to do is just kick off a series of stress reduction podcasts and invite a bunch of different guests in who are experts in different areas.
so that we can start to gain some new perspectives and some new tools on how to handle all of this heaviness and go from being in this sort of survival mode to really figuring out how to thrive and build resilience. So today I have Pam Aks joining me. She is an expert in neuroscience. She is an expert in coaching and she really focuses on helping leaders develop an unstoppable mindset. So I think you're gonna love this.
And I want to give a brief intro, but first of all, welcome, Pam. Thanks for being here.
Pam Aks (01:34.182)
goodness, I am so excited. Are you kidding? It's like I put on LinkedIn. I'm like that kid on waiting for Christmas morning. I've been waiting for this for over a week. So good to be here. that's okay. It was, it was, but it's all good. We're here now.
Kristiana Corona (01:43.236)
I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I know the anticipation must be killing you.
Kristiana Corona (01:50.497)
Well, it's delightful and I'm so happy that you made time in your busy schedule for me. So thank you.
Pam Aks (01:56.334)
pleasure.
Kristiana Corona (01:57.658)
So let me just tell the audience a little bit about you in case they don't know. So Pam is a PCC certified mindset coach and she has a master's degree in psychology and is the founder of What's Within You, which is her organization that's an international practice that specializes in neuroscience based coaching for leaders and entrepreneurs and coaches.
And since 2005, Pam's been dedicated to helping her clients develop unstoppable mindsets, empowering countless individuals to take bold action and achieve their goals. And who doesn't want that? she's known for her evidence-based approach, which really combines brain science with practical coaching techniques to create lasting change. she's also been the author of two books, Developing a Confident Mindset and How to Manage Stress and Worry Before It Manages You.
So Pam shares her insights on mindset, resilience, and confidence through her podcast called confidence bites, which is B Y T E S and also her blog, which provides valuable resources to a global audience. And I will just say Pam is very generous and she has lots of free resources. So, after this episode, you should definitely check that out.
In addition to coaching, she also serves as the director of the executive and professional coaching certification program at the University of Texas Dallas, which is where we met. And in that role, she's committed to ensuring the program exceeds student expectations by providing a dynamic learning experience. And with the support of exceptional team of facilitators, mentors, and assessors, the program is designed to prepare students to coach at the PCC level, which is the professional level, and deliver outstanding coaching services to their clients. All right. So that was a lot.
Let's jump in. so I think what would be cool is to start off with just a little bit, like kind of on the personal side, on your website, you talk about, Hey, I'm Pam. I'm a recovered follower, people pleaser and peacekeeper, which is a super interesting way to kick off your bio for yourself. you talk about how you used to pretend to be someone else so that you could kind of fit in. You were afraid to speak up.
Kristiana Corona (04:20.784)
who you are afraid to make waves. You kind of let other people's opinions really dictate what you could and couldn't do. And my experience of you has been literally the exact opposite. And so I think it's so fascinating to understand just, you know, what was your personal transformation like? Like, how did you go from being that people pleaser who was sort of, you know, at the whim of the world around you to this
much more directed, confident, action-oriented, and unstoppable person that you are today.
Pam Aks (04:55.854)
No, by magic wand, no.
Kristiana Corona (04:57.552)
That's what I was hoping you would say. So let me know where to buy that wand.
Pam Aks (05:01.326)
Wouldn't that be awesome? Wouldn't that be awesome? I have to say, I mean, that transformation obviously didn't happen overnight. It was really a series of small intentional shifts over time. And, you know, as you mentioned, you know, I was stuck in that pattern of people pleasing and hiding my true self because I believed that I wasn't good enough. That was the prevalent message that ran rampant in my head. And, you know, that I had to be what other people wanted me to be in order to fit in.
And I remember distinctly how exhausting it was to constantly turn myself into a pretzel, constantly second guessing my decisions and worrying more about other people's opinions than my own. And I think the real turning point for me came when I almost became an alcoholic actually. That's when I decided that it was time to stop the madness and start working on my inner voice and getting to know me at my core. And I realized, you know, living someone else's version of my life, it was painful.
It was draining and hence my almost becoming an alcoholic to numb all of that. So, you know, through coaching and lots of introspection, journaling in particular, I began practicing self-awareness, self-compassion and started reprogramming my mindset, understanding and prioritizing, you know, my values. Who was I? What made me tick and what did I really want?
And so this journey has been about stepping really truly into my office authenticity. And as a result over time, my confidence has grown. And so today my decisions and how I show up are really rooted in who I am. And that has been incredibly freeing.
Kristiana Corona (06:44.592)
Hmm. It's so interesting just hearing you tell that story. can hear that in your voice, the confidence in the shift. and I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who maybe look at their circumstances and maybe how they were raised, where they came from, lack of support in being the person that they really want to be or taking chances on something that's not what everyone else saw for you. and.
Pam Aks (06:50.157)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kristiana Corona (07:13.604)
You know, it's really inspiring to know that you can reprogram your brain. Like you have control to decide who you want to be and where you're going to go.
Pam Aks (07:24.01)
Absolutely. Absolutely. I I grew up with the message, nice little girls were seen and not heard. So as a result, I kept my mouth shut, was very shy and very introverted. People laugh at that now because I'm such a loud mouth now, but you know.
Kristiana Corona (07:39.184)
And what did that, I guess, what did that cause for you? Like as you took on that persona of being seen and not heard, what did that limit for you?
Pam Aks (07:50.09)
Everything. Literally everything. I think it was just, it was really a painful existence because I was constantly following the flow and the crowd instead of being confident enough to speak my truth and to speak up when I was being hurt or to speak up when something wasn't working for me, to advocate for myself. So it was, it was painful.
Kristiana Corona (08:17.102)
Yeah. Well, I like how you also talk about your authentic voice kind of being the loudest one in your head. And now, you know, it kind of drowns out all the negative chatter. So it's acknowledging that, yeah, that negative chatter still could be there. Those voices still could be there. But you found ways to diminish their power and to cope with that so that your voice could really shine through. How did you do that exactly?
Pam Aks (08:42.912)
Well, first of all, I recognize that those negative voices, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, the stories of not good enough, they never fully disappear. They serve a purpose, actually. They're part of an outdated survival mechanism that we inherited from our prehistoric ancestors to actually keep us safe. I know it doesn't make sense, but that's in reality why they're there. And what shifted for me was understanding the brain.
and what was at the root of those voices. So enter my passion and obsession with neuroscience. Can't get enough of it. Having an understanding of my inner voice through the lens of neuroscience, well, that really helped me to demystify those narratives and gave me the tools to respond to them differently. So I use techniques like mindfulness. I mentioned journaling earlier. That has been my go-to for well over a decade.
and has been so pivotal in helping me to understand the voices and unpack the things that they're saying, as well as the brain-based tools that I use to help raise my awareness and retrain my brain any time negative stories appear. One of those tools that I love to use is called self-talk. Or as Ethan Kross, he's the author of a book called Chatter, which I highly recommend because it's awesome. He calls it third-person talk, and it goes something like this.
Kristiana Corona (10:01.326)
Hmm
Pam Aks (10:06.094)
Hey, Pam, you do realize that that's a story, right? And Pam, you realize that that's data. And Pam, you realize that you get to choose what to do with that data, and you get to choose how it impacts you. Now, what this does is this helps create some distance between myself and the negative narrative so that I can start getting curious about it and start to figure out what's it trying to tell me.
instead of going down a rabbit hole with it and getting really anchored into the story.
Kristiana Corona (10:38.872)
I love that. Like just being able to talk to yourself in that way. How does that feel? Like, do you feel kind of goofy doing that? Does it feel natural to you now that you've done it for so long?
Pam Aks (10:46.894)
That's a great question. At first I felt really goofy. And then I realized, well, there's nobody standing here when I'm doing it. So it's just me and the walls. And after a while, because of the benefit I gained from it, I stopped feeling so guilty, goofy about it and started feeling some, it's like, okay, this really actually does work. And it is helpful. And I can start seeing the story for what it is. Just data.
Kristiana Corona (11:10.798)
Yeah.
Pam Aks (11:16.642)
that I get to decide what to do with.
Kristiana Corona (11:16.92)
Yeah, I think that is so powerful. And I can think of a lot of times in life where that would have been a very useful tool, you know, to just be able to externalize, this is a story. All it is is a story. So what do I want to do with that story versus saying this is a truth, this is my identity, this must be who I always am.
Pam Aks (11:26.456)
No.
Pam Aks (11:33.228)
Yeah. Right.
Kristiana Corona (11:40.848)
and you mentioned that you had a recent event where this self-talk was, was really helpful for you. so even, even though you've, had years or decades of conquering this, they still, we all have moments where this kind of pops up, right? So, do you want to tell the listeners just the story of, know, you being introduced to this, leadership position?
Pam Aks (11:55.589)
yeah.
Kristiana Corona (12:05.754)
for the coaching program and what came up for you and then like what self-talk helped you to get through that.
Pam Aks (12:10.382)
Yes, sure. So, you know, confidence ebbs and flows and I get that. It's based on what we're experiencing. So I was asked a little over a year ago to apply for the director position in the executive and professional coaching certificate program at UT Dallas. I had been on faculty.
And the director at the time was getting ready to resign because she were retired, not resigned, she was retiring because she wanted to spend more time with her family. And she said to me, she says, would you be interested in applying? And at first I was honored. I was excited. I was like, wow, this is great. Yes, of course, of course. And then reality set in and my inner critic came out.
And all of sudden I started to feel this self-doubt creep in through my body and I took a big gulp of air and my inner critic was in my ear saying, you don't have what it takes. What makes you think you could be the director of this program? And you know, what that did was it took me back to that place of feeling unworthy and not good enough. But instead of staying in that space forever and ever, amen, I took a moment to do two things. The first one was to remind myself
that my inner critic only comes out when something's really important to me. If it's not important to me, she sits in the corner and crochets blankets and doilies and toilet paper roll covers. She doesn't care. So it's only when things are important that she comes out to give her two cents. That was the first thing I reminded myself of. The second thing was I reminded myself of the fact that I needed to reflect. I needed to sit and think
think about all the resources I have that are going to help me in this role. And the reason I did that, there's a psychologist by the name of Dr. Rick Hansen, and I follow his work. And he said something that just completely turned my world upside down. He said, we have a tendency to overestimate our challenges, which was what I was doing in that moment, and underestimate our resources. And so I sat and reflected on all the things that I bring to the table that will help me be a great leader.
Kristiana Corona (14:16.72)
Hmm.
Pam Aks (14:26.39)
all the accomplishments, the years of coaching, the growth I'd seen in my clients and in the students that I taught. And I also reminded myself and reconnected with just how much I love being of support to our student population. And so from all of that, I was reminded that worthiness isn't about being perfect in that role. It was about showing up as me with my strengths and my experiences as my resource.
And so, you know, that's what happened. And as a result, my confidence returned. I'm not going to say it always stays. There are times as I'm going through this role that I still have moments of self doubt, but those moments are short lived.
Kristiana Corona (15:03.78)
You
Kristiana Corona (15:09.784)
Yeah. The, the arc of that story is, so interesting though, because I feel like, it's a repeatable process that you can use again and again and again. It's not that you will never feel like you're unworthy or that you'll never not have those critics there, but that in those moments where you do go into that sort of trough of despair, here are the tools that you need to use. And I love that. like, there's so much evidence.
There's so much evidence that points towards, yeah, that makes sense, doesn't it? You would be good for that role. You're ready for that role. You're deserving of that role. And so I love that you said yes to it. So you're year in now. How do you feel now?
Pam Aks (15:39.628)
Yeah.
Pam Aks (15:51.776)
I am. I'm excited. You know, like I said, I still get nervous from time to time. And there's still moments where I'm like, am I playing grownup and like wearing my mom's high heeled shoes that are 42 sizes bigger than my feet? Sometimes it just feels that way because it's so surreal, but most of the time it's amazing. And I love what I do. And I love the connections that I have with the students and the faculty.
Kristiana Corona (16:01.646)
Hahaha!
Pam Aks (16:21.094)
and our mentors and our assessors, we have an amazing team and the students are incredible. So I'm excited more than I am scared.
Kristiana Corona (16:27.472)
Yeah. And I can attest to that 150 % going through the program, like the energy that you guys bring, the care that you bring, the craft and just the level of professionalism of that program is just incredible. So, so glad that you're the leader now. And one other thing I wanted to call out just because I know that, you know, for a lot of people, it's just, okay, how do I remember in that moment?
Pam Aks (16:38.338)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Thank you.
Me too, thank you.
Kristiana Corona (16:54.116)
How do I keep telling myself, okay, this is the tool I need to use? yeah, this is that moment. You actually believe it so strongly that you have this tattooed on your body, do you not?
Pam Aks (16:54.318)
Mm.
Pam Aks (17:06.412)
I do have it tattooed on my body. Yes, sure. A little extreme, I know, but it was compelling. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says, a voice, not an echo. It's an Einstein quote. It happens to be one of my favorite Einstein quotes. And it serves as my powerful reminder to always advocate for myself and to lead the way and encourage others to do the same. so, as we talked about earlier,
Kristiana Corona (17:09.53)
Can you tell us what your tattoo says?
Pam Aks (17:35.518)
you know, how I used to let other people's opinions and thoughts dictate my actions. This quote helps me stay grounded in my own voice and so that I'm living authentically and showing up authentically and so that I can inspire others to do the same.
Kristiana Corona (17:51.534)
Yeah, I'd love it. Be a voice, not an echo. Yeah. So, I mean, you've spent many years, what is it, 20, 20-some years coaching leaders now?
Pam Aks (17:53.548)
Yep.
Pam Aks (18:02.766)
Almost 20 years, it'd be 20 years in February. I know it's crazy. Where did time go?
Kristiana Corona (18:06.307)
joining.
Kristiana Corona (18:09.7)
That's wild. Yeah. So you have two decades, almost two decades of experience coaching leaders, entrepreneurs, other coaches, you know, and how to handle these stress moments, these chaotic moments effectively. and I know that one of the areas that you really lean into, like you were talking about to help, get through some of those things is really understanding the brain and the neuroscience. and you say that our mindset is ultimately going to determine whether we succeed or fail.
Pam Aks (18:21.016)
Mm-mm.
Kristiana Corona (18:39.66)
at handling our stress. So can you explain why mindset itself is so important?
Pam Aks (18:39.884)
Yeah.
Pam Aks (18:45.774)
Absolutely. So think about it this way. We put a lot of emphasis on what we feed our bodies, but we don't put a lot of emphasis on what we feed our brains. And so if you think about what we feed our brains, our brains don't know fact from fiction. It relies on us based on what we're telling it. So mindset actually shapes how we perceive and respond to anything, including stress. It's what we think and how those thoughts
make us feel essentially. And because, as I said, our brain doesn't know fact from fiction. It's going to act as Google and provide us all sorts of evidence to whatever it is we're thinking in the form of feelings. So when we view stress as something overwhelming, our brain goes into reactive mode. It's natural. And it engages our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. But when we can shift our mindset to see stress as an opportunity for growth and learning,
or maybe the opportunity or the cue that we have a need that needs to be met. That's when we activate the part of our brain that's responsible for problem solving and resilience. That's our prefrontal cortex to get really geeky on you. This shift is really essential because it changes our physiology. Our bodies literally respond differently based on how we're perceiving the stress. And this is where also neuroplasticity comes into play.
Kristiana Corona (19:57.924)
Hehe.
Pam Aks (20:11.234)
So when we begin to rewire our brains to adopt more positive, empowering beliefs about stress, that makes us more resilient. So rather than seeing stress as a negative, which is obviously going to make it worse because our body is going to respond in kind, we can use it as an indicator that there's something that we need to shift or that there's something that we need full stop in order to mitigate the stress. For example, maybe we need a break. Maybe we need to take a pause. Maybe we need to take a couple of deep breaths.
Kristiana Corona (20:36.751)
Hmm.
Pam Aks (20:41.056)
So, you know, I think that and also there is a great TED talk called How to Make Stress Your Friend. I had a brain hiccup there for a moment. And it's based on a book called The Upside of Stress by a psychologist by the name of Kelly McGonigal. It is worth a watch. Can we try a little exercise just to prove this point? Would that be okay? Okay. So.
Kristiana Corona (21:04.848)
Ooh, yes, let's do it. I love it.
Pam Aks (21:08.334)
This is a little exercise. just to demonstrate how powerful our thoughts can be. And I call this the lemon exercise. I didn't come up with the exercise. I wish I had because I love this exercise. But I want everybody to visualize that you have a lemon in front of you right now. And sitting in front of you and you grab a knife and you cut that lemon in half. And then you cut one of the halves into quarters. So you have two quarters.
Now I want you to pick up one of those quarters and I want you to visualize or imagine that you've picked up that quarter and you've put it to your nose and you've taken a deep, deep, deep breath in of that lemon fresh smell. We all know what that smells like. And now I want you to imagine that you take that piece of lemon and you pop it in your mouth.
Pam Aks (22:01.929)
I'm curious, what's happening for you right now because I'm watching your face.
Kristiana Corona (22:03.706)
Yeah.
Kristiana Corona (22:08.824)
I feel the pucker. I feel the pucker. It's real. Yeah.
Pam Aks (22:10.862)
It's real. Yeah. Or you salivate. I was salivating even as I was just sharing it. And I wasn't actually doing the exercise, but I was sharing it. Yeah. That is just a demonstration of how powerful our thoughts are. We didn't actually have a lemon in front of us. We were visualizing.
Kristiana Corona (22:18.244)
Yeah.
Kristiana Corona (22:27.332)
I love it.
Kristiana Corona (22:31.152)
But by the end of this exercise, everyone is going to be craving lemonade and they're not going to know why. They're going to be like, what just happened? You just keep talking about this amazing, juicy lemon. What did you do to me?
Pam Aks (22:40.078)
Or those sugary lemon slices, yeah.
Kristiana Corona (23:00.576)
Yeah. So like, as you think about that exercise and how real it was, like, how does that show up in the way that we identify stress or think that we're handling stress? Like you think about the things that are very real that you're going through, but then like you said, it's also the things that aren't actually happening to us there, but our brain doesn't know the difference. So yeah, how do we handle that through the sort of the neuroplasticity or the way that our brain works?
Pam Aks (23:20.59)
Ooh, are you wanting me to geek out on neuroplasticity now? Is that what I'm hearing? Go deep, all right, oh good Okay, so well, most people I think by now probably have heard that term thrown around a little bit, but neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to reorganize itself, basically to rewire itself by forming new neural connections or what we call neural pathways. And this means that with consistent effort, we can change how we think, react, behave.
Kristiana Corona (23:23.628)
Yeah, go deep, go deep. I'm up for it.
Pam Aks (23:49.762)
We can even change deeply ingrained habits and belief systems. I think part of what makes this really important is being aware of when we're doing things or saying things to ourselves that is having us feel a certain way. And I'll share a little bit about that in a moment. But every time we practice a new thought, a new behavior, we strengthen a neural pathway that's associated with that new thought and that new behavior. And so over time, this becomes the brain's default mode.
So as an example, I used to be an emotional eater when I got stressed or upset. So when stress would hit the scene, I would go, or when I would get upset, I would go into the kitchen and mindlessly eat even though I wasn't hungry. That was my reaction to the cue, the stress and the upset. And the reward for that behavior was to feel a sense of comfort briefly.
in the moment and then after that, of course, guilt for mindlessly eating. And then down-retire. I wasn't aware truly that I was doing that until I created some awareness. That's really important and paid attention to why was I mindlessly eating. And what I noticed was it happened again. It happened often when I was stressed or upset. now, OK, fast forward.
Kristiana Corona (24:53.267)
Yeah, and then the downward spiral. Yes.
Pam Aks (25:17.324)
Stress is the cue or upset is the cue. I know that what I'm really after is to feel some comfort, some relief from the stress. So rather than using my old habit or the old neural pathway of emotionally eating, I'll take a few deep breaths instead to gain that comfort. And I've done that consistently over time to the point where that's the new default mode.
So every time I get stressed, instead of getting up and going to the kitchen and grabbing something to eat when I'm not hungry, that's my cue. My brain goes, let's take some deep breaths. And so it can be very powerful and it's possible. We can change our brains. How cool is that?
Kristiana Corona (25:57.786)
Yeah, I feel like that was one of the most important insights I learned through the coaching program was just that you have the brain that you have, but you're not stuck with that brain forever. And so even if those neural pathways are really deeply rooted and well-worn in a certain behavior, that all it takes is determining a different path or a different.
reaction to that trigger and then practicing it again and again or visualizing it again and again, right? Until that new pathway actually becomes formed and then eventually you can shift your wagon into those wagon ruts instead of the other ones. And it can become natural, right? It doesn't have to always be such a difficult exercise. Yeah.
Pam Aks (26:37.1)
Absolutely.
Pam Aks (26:42.356)
No, absolutely. The more we use a habit or a pattern, the more it becomes second nature. The brain likes habit. It likes patterns. So once we create a new pattern that's a healthier pattern, that's the brain's go-to instead of the old pattern that's not serving us so well.
Kristiana Corona (27:02.17)
Love that. So you kind of started to hint at that exercise, but I know you do like a specific exercise sometimes with classes just to raise awareness about stressful situations and then what our habits are or what we can learn from them. Would you be willing to walk through that exercise?
Pam Aks (27:12.418)
Mm-hmm.
Pam Aks (27:21.216)
I absolutely would with the caveat that we're only going to stay in a rabbit hole for a very brief moment. So I want to ask everyone to think about a recent time when you felt stressed or anxious or annoyed, just a negative feeling in general. And then once you have that recall of that recent time, tune in and notice, are there any physical sensations going on in your body?
Kristiana Corona (27:27.361)
Okay.
Pam Aks (27:50.4)
And if there are, are you feeling them right now? And what do they feel like?
So for example, I mentioned stress and upset. When I am stressed or upset, I feel it now in my chest and in my throat. And it feels heavy. And sometimes it feels like a vice grip around my throat. And so when I am aware of that, I know, wait a minute, is here. Let's take a couple of deep breaths. Because when we become aware of the triggers and the sensations in our body,
that are related to stress and fear, can then create choices that will help us calm down our nervous system so we increase resilience and proactivity as well as being responsive instead of reactive. Making a choice like taking a deep breath before responding in a conversation that might be a little heated. Here's a little geeky factoid, because you know how I love my geeky factoids.
Kristiana Corona (28:47.376)
I think it's a little bit a fast way.
Pam Aks (28:51.638)
The brain loves, loves, loves options and choices. And so when it anticipates making a choice, it's gonna release feel good chemicals that also help calm down the nervous system.
Kristiana Corona (29:04.0)
So as you imagine feeling a sensation in your body and it's a really strong sensation or it's like heat or it's tension, it's maybe even like a racing heart or something like that. What are the choices that you want to give to your brain to say, how should I handle this?
Pam Aks (29:12.024)
Hmm?
Pam Aks (29:22.55)
I think it's a matter of figuring out what is it, first of all, that you're needing in response to that feeling. So going back to my example of my emotional eating when I was stressed, what I was after was comfort. I don't want to change the cue and I don't want to change the reward. What I want to change is the behavior that falls in between the cue and the reward.
So if I'm in need of comfort, what can I do to provide comfort? Well, I can take a deep breath. I can go get a hug. I can, I don't know, go take a long shower. There's all sorts of different things. And I think if we know that we're constantly triggered by something in particular, we can create what I like to call a menu that we can choose from, choose activities that we've identified in advance when we're feeling certain ways, to then decide, okay, I'd rather do this instead. So that's, yeah, that's helpful.
Kristiana Corona (30:25.646)
I love that. I love that. I love the idea of understanding or asking yourself, what is it that I need in this moment? Because I don't know that we're always doing self-reflection when we're in that sort of reactive mode. We're not like pause, okay, why am I actually upset right now? Why am I stressed? Why am I mad? Why am I anxious? Am I looking for clarity? Am I looking for comfort? Am I looking for a way out? What is it? And what I find is,
Pam Aks (30:38.414)
Right.
Mm-hmm.
Kristiana Corona (30:55.204)
I hold my breath and I don't even realize that I'm holding my breath until I react in that moment and then go, my gosh. I didn't realize I had such a lack of oxygen. So I love the prompt about breathing and just pausing to take a few breaths because perhaps it can be as simple as that. Yeah.
Pam Aks (30:56.674)
Yep. Yeah.
Pam Aks (31:05.708)
Not uncommon.
Pam Aks (31:15.788)
Yeah, it's not uncommon when we're in that space to not breathe. And breathing is fantastic. Particularly, there's a little breathing technique that I talk about with clients often when we're in that state where we aren't breathing and we're all stressed out to take a longer exhale than you do an inhale. Because what that's doing is it's alerting the brain that everything's safe and we're okay. So if you take an inhale to a count of four, you're to want to take an exhale to a count of six.
Kristiana Corona (31:44.208)
Hmm.
Pam Aks (31:44.31)
And that again indicates the brain, everything's fine, we're good, and it calms down the nervous system.
Kristiana Corona (31:51.066)
Taking a breath right now. I love it. It feels good. It just feels good too. And then you're reacting to that positive feeling. So I know mindfulness and building self-awareness are really common talking points that people probably hear everywhere nowadays, just breeze by them and they're like, okay, yeah, this is healthy. I should probably do it, but I'll do it later when I have time, not when I'm so busy, right?
Pam Aks (31:51.352)
But we have to be aware. We have to be aware.
Pam Aks (32:00.044)
Yeah.
Pam Aks (32:14.296)
Yeah.
Kristiana Corona (32:20.38)
But I think what a lot of people maybe don't know about self-awareness is that our brains are actually predicting our thoughts based on the sensations in our body that you were just talking about. And I think that's totally mind blowing. So I would love if you could just briefly talk about like, what is that body informing mind type of connection?
Pam Aks (32:32.046)
Mm-hmm.
Pam Aks (32:43.199)
Well, first of all, it goes back to that awareness piece. Our body is an amazing tool, but we have to be checking in and noticing what we're feeling. And you're talking to a recovered person who used to live from the neck up until my own coach encouraged me to check in with my body three times a day. So I had to set a reminder in my calendar to do that. Yes, now it's just natural, but
Kristiana Corona (33:05.372)
wow.
Pam Aks (33:09.622)
Our brains, like you said, our brains are predictability machines. That's the job. The job is to create stability and predictability so it doesn't expend, so we don't expend a lot of energy. And so it's predicting what's going to happen based on the signals we're receiving through our body. And this is the form of protection that stems from our prehistoric ancestors who had to be on high alert all the time. So sensations like tension, restlessness, stress, for example, they're processed by the brain.
as cues. You we talked about those cues earlier. So if you're feeling stress in your body, your brain might predict that something's wrong, even if it's not. Or that you're in a state of danger, even if you're not, which can obviously trigger not just negative feelings, but negative thoughts. And I think what's fascinating is that by becoming more aware of these sensations, we get to interrupt the cycle.
and consciously choose a different interpretation of what we're experiencing. So instead of saying, I'm totally stressed out. There's got to be something wrong. The sky is falling, which is natural, happens. We can do something different. We can say, gosh, I'm noticing I'm feeling some tension in my body right now. I wonder what that's about or what it's trying to tell me.
What this does is it shifts the brain from prediction making to a curious state, which changes how we experience the moment we're in. And curiosity also triggers dopamine, helps us to calm down. Now, there is a wonderful, wonderful author. Her name is Lisa Feldman Barrett. She's a psychologist. And she wrote two books that...
I absolutely highly recommend and I apologize for the snoring in the background. That's my puppy. She wrote two books called Seven and a Half Lessons about the Brain and how emotions are made. And I got a chance to hear her speak and I remember some things that she said that just made such a difference. And so I will quote her verbatim. She said, your brain doesn't react to things in the world. It's actually predicting based on the state of your body and the state of the world right now.
Pam Aks (35:27.168)
It's predicting what's going to happen next, and then correcting, then predicting, and then correcting. And she went on to say, your brain is always receiving sensory data from your body and from the world around it. And it's using past experiences to make sense. Part of making sense means making predictions about what to do next and what you're likely to experience next. So if you think about it, our past experiences are going to dictate, bring up memories.
that are gonna dictate how we feel and gonna spur that prediction, which could lead to things like stress, procrastination, excuses, mental blocks. And so that's another reason why getting in touch with what's going on in our bodies is super helpful. And that was super windy, sorry.
Kristiana Corona (36:13.366)
I love it. And I've heard you say it before, but it like every time I hear it, it really sinks deep. I think, you know, part of it is just to your point of awareness. We may not be aware of previous experiences and how those are influencing our reactions today.
Kristiana Corona (36:33.868)
I mean, that can be really profound, right? Like you might be having a response to something because of something completely unrelated or something that happened in the past that you wouldn't even be aware of that is driving this procrastination perhaps, you know, who, or you're like, why, why can I not get over this hurdle? What is holding me back? And perhaps it's some experience that you had in the past and your body's warning you danger that could happen again, even though it's completely different than what's happening today.
Pam Aks (36:50.148)
yeah.
Pam Aks (37:02.478)
Absolutely. That's how our brain functions. Its job is to keep us safe.
Kristiana Corona (37:07.152)
So if we're getting more attuned to, you know, what's happening in our body and we can start to understand those sensations, you know, and then really focus on rewiring our brains, we can start interpreting these things, differently. can't hear your dog. Don't worry. Is the snoring really loud? I just, I think it's fascinating that we actually have that much control of our brains and that our body, you know, is, driving a lot of that. And I think about.
Pam Aks (37:26.35)
I'm glad you can't hear it.
Kristiana Corona (37:37.264)
A lot of people today are, like I mentioned before, going through a lot of stressors right now. When I think about even this month in particular, we're leading up to a presidential election. There's economic pressures, there's layoffs, there's natural disasters happening. There's wars on different parts of the world. There's health struggles going on. mean, you just can look around and you see all these pressures, all of this chaos.
that's kind of coming around and it can be quite overwhelming and heavy for people. And as leaders, we're kind of expected to show up well, right? We're expected to show up confidently. We're expected to handle this heavy load that others are going through gracefully and help them work through it, right? Which is a whole nother thing. So, you know, I'm just curious as we think about that aspect of leadership.
What are some of the practical strategies that you would implement with us as leaders so that we can rewire our brains to say no matter whatever that chaos is and how many things are piled on top of it that we can become more calm and resilient in the face of all of that?
Pam Aks (38:47.386)
Great question. think first and foremost, it's important to give ourselves some grace, you know, knowing that we're human and we're going to have feelings and we're going to be impacted by all the things. But here's the good news, also recognizing that there is some good news. We can stand in choice at every given moment, at every given time. And as I mentioned earlier, we can do that to handle the chaos.
in ways that are less harmful. So there are three practical strategies that I love to use and I support my clients in using. The first one I'm a huge proponent of and that's breath work. And you mentioned it earlier when you noticed that sometimes you're not breathing. That's not uncommon. When we are stressed out or in a place of fear or anxiety, our breath becomes shallow and our nervous system is revved up. So breath work is really helpful.
And, you know, that could be, as I mentioned earlier, the longer exhale than the shorter inhale. I have a app that I use, it's called Breathwrk, but it's one word, but work is spelled without a zero or an O. Sorry, I can't even spell today. W-R-K, so Breathwrk. Yeah. And it's an amazing app.
Kristiana Corona (40:01.968)
So W R K. Yeah. Cool.
Pam Aks (40:12.782)
It has all sorts of different exercises, breathing exercises based on what you're feeling and experiencing, whether that's brain fog or anxiety. I use it every morning and I use it as needed to get in that state of calm so that I can manage and navigate the chaos and not get anchored into it. The other is the self-talking reframe, but doing it in a different way. So I gave that third person.
example from Ethan Kross's book Chatter. But there's also what's called labeling, soft labeling. So if I'm noticing a negative thought rather than following that negative thought and anchoring into it and getting caught up in it and getting caught up in the chaos of it, I can just go thought, thought, thought. So I'm just labeling it thought. I'm not anchoring. I'm not going, yeah, yeah, the world is
is going to stop rotating on its axis. The sky is falling. We're all going to fall into a deep dark hole. No, it's just thought. That's it. I'm labeling it thought. And that's it. If that doesn't work, this is my favorite tool of all. And it comes from Deepak Chopra. I stole it from him. I'm sure he won't mind. But he said something, think it was during a podcast I was listening to where he said, if you're having a negative thought, just ask yourself.
Kristiana Corona (41:21.328)
Hmm.
Pam Aks (41:37.26)
I wonder what my next thought is going to be. Now, at first I scoffed at that. thought, yeah, right, it's not that easy. And then I tried it because that's what I do. And sure enough, it stopped the negative thought, right, in its track. my, cause my brain was looking for the next thought and there was no next thought. So it drew a blank and I calmed down. So that is a, yeah, that's a really helpful tool, really helpful tool. And the third is self-care.
Kristiana Corona (41:58.81)
That's awesome. I love that.
Pam Aks (42:08.044)
We hear it all the time. I know it's becoming cliche to a lot of folks and people are probably going, I don't have time. Even if you just have 10 minutes a day to do something like get outside, take some deep breaths, meditate, take a 10 minute power nap, that can make a difference because the reality is this, when we are running low on energy,
we are more susceptible to the impact of the chaos and the stress and the negative thinking and the reactivity. So getting up from your desk and taking a 10 minute walk outside can do wonders. They've actually done studies about the impact of nature on mindset. So I've been known to go out and hug a tree during my 10 minutes. Makes a difference. those are my three strategies. There you go.
Kristiana Corona (42:52.688)
Yeah. I love it. I love it. Thank you. And I think that, just kind of summarizing what you were saying before around the curiosity for me is another really powerful thing that, that you talked about today is just the moment we turn to curiosity, it triggers like a different part of our brain, right? So then the part that's in that sort of
reactive animalistic fear, better run or, or, you know, fight, it shifts to, huh, okay. Well, let's observe this when I'm observing something, I'm naturally in a neutral position. I'm naturally disconnected from all of that, that stress response. And, and so I've, I've been practicing that recently, just, in moments where I find myself getting fired up about something on the inside, like, the injustice or the, how could they do that? You know,
Pam Aks (43:51.448)
Yeah.
Kristiana Corona (43:51.48)
And then going, that's interesting. I wonder why I'm feeling that way right now. What is it that they just said that made me feel that way? Or like, you know, about politics or other things like that where you're like, Whoa, that statement really triggered me. I wonder why. wonder what about that thought was really, you know, hitting me wrong or, or is it conflicting with some value that I have? Or is it just that,
Pam Aks (43:56.558)
you
Kristiana Corona (44:17.764)
You know, I'm, I'm absorbing this from somewhere else or, you start to like analyze it and then you find yourself just sitting back and kind of thinking instead of doing this, whatever that reaction was going to be originally, which is probably a lot safer and better for everyone else. so anyway, I love that, that strategy that you shared to kind of the curiosity.
Pam Aks (44:39.726)
Well, kudos to you for analyzing, sitting there going, I wonder what caused that? I wonder what it was about what they said that made me feel that way. Yeah, and getting in that curious space. Curiosity is such an amazing tool. If we can just get curious. And sometimes I'll encourage clients to pretend that they are 10,000 feet above whatever is bothering them and ask them, if you're 10,000 feet above it,
Kristiana Corona (45:05.072)
Mmm.
Pam Aks (45:08.31)
What are you seeing and noticing that maybe you weren't seeing and noticing when you were standing smack dab in the middle of it? And it's just engaging their curiosity to get them to look at it from a more neutral perspective as opposed to a charged perspective. Yeah.
Kristiana Corona (45:23.662)
Yeah. so good. Well, thank you so much for taking time to do this conversation. I always find your teaching so enlightening. It's so fun to follow and easy to absorb, you know, the different strategies that you shared. So thank you for, for doing that. And I'm sure, you know, my listeners are going to be interested to know where they can find out more about you. So, where should I tell them to go to find you in your content?
Pam Aks (45:24.684)
Yeah.
Pam Aks (45:34.328)
us.
Pam Aks (45:47.31)
you
well, first of all, thank you so much for having me on. This has been such an honor and a privilege really, truly spending time with you and answering your great questions. So if you're looking for me on the internet, my website is whatswithinu.com. And that's the letter U or Y-O-U, either one. And we have a second party being heard of. She's telling you where you can find me.
And there you're going to find all sorts of free resources, my blog, my newsletter. I have a seven day confidence building challenge, all sorts of goodies there, as well as I'm on LinkedIn too.
Kristiana Corona (46:16.74)
you
Kristiana Corona (46:28.652)
Awesome. And like I mentioned, you have lots of free resources, but you also have more like hands on support options for people as they are kind of working on building that resilience mindset. I know you have like a 30 minute online course. You have more of a three hour coaching session called Vision Lab, which sounded really interesting. And then you also do
Pam Aks (46:45.742)
Mm-hmm.
Kristiana Corona (46:52.442)
group coaching and one-on-one coaching. Can you tell us a little bit more about the hands-on options that you have?
Pam Aks (46:54.839)
I do.
Pam Aks (46:58.442)
sure, sure. So I offer the one-on-one coaching in the form of individual sessions, or as you mentioned, the Vision Lab, which is a three-hour intensive. And this is a powerful coaching session where we help you transform your ideas and goals into a winning strategy. And then there's my signature program, which is called the Unstoppable Mindset Group Coaching Program. that is, pardon me just a moment. Let me grab her.
She is being real mouthy little monster. Yay. So the group coaching program is a very small intimate group of four. I don't take more than four in the program. That allows us to dive really deep into some of the neuroscience behind our inner critic that stands in our way from taking our goals from paper to reality. And so we look at those things so we can push past.
Kristiana Corona (47:27.734)
Yes!
Awwww, cute!
Pam Aks (47:57.326)
past that negative narrative and use those neuroscience-based tools and insights that help us create that long-lasting transformation. It's a powerful experience. I've done several since I launched a year ago. And I only offered a couple of times a year. And the next group is starting in January.
Kristiana Corona (48:16.416)
Ooh, that's not too far off. if they want, yeah, that sounds so cool. I don't know a lot of people that have done small, intimate group sessions like that. That's a really cool idea. And so if they are interested in it, they just go to your website, the information's on your website. Okay. Okay.
Pam Aks (48:18.788)
No, it is not. Good way to start the new year.
Pam Aks (48:34.984)
It's all there. It is all there. And absolutely, if they have questions, I answer all my own emails so they can always reach out.
Kristiana Corona (48:45.744)
Perfect. And just for everyone who's listening, like if you're listening in the car, you can't write anything down, don't worry. I'm going to post all the links and everything that Pam was just sharing. I'll put it in the show notes. And so you can find the details on that at worthytoleadpodcast.com/11.
So thank you again, Pam, for coming on the Worthy to Lead podcast. I'm so happy that we could talk through this important topic, because I know it's on a lot of people's minds. And I'm sure that my listeners had a great time kind of learning from your mini training today.
Pam Aks (49:18.958)
Well, thank you. It's been an honor and a privilege. And again, everyone, I apologize for the dog in the background.
Kristiana Corona (49:24.428)
no, the dog's amazing. I think having the dog in the video now, if you haven't seen it, you're going to have to watch the video just so you can see how cute her dog is. All right, awesome. Thank you so much, Pam. All right, take care.
Pam Aks (49:37.548)
You bet, it's been a pleasure.
