Kristiana Corona
Hey there, friend. Welcome to the Worthy to Lead podcast. I am your host, Kristiana Corona, and I'm so glad you took time out of your day to be here with me. So today I have a special treat for you. We are going to dive into a development topic that many leaders have had to overcome doubt and feelings of unworthiness, and that is public speaking.
And so I have invited my friend, Dr. Seema Desai to join us because both she has a fascinating story to share and some excellent advice to give to all of us who are working on feeling worthy to put ourselves out there more. And that includes me. So for those of you who don't know Dr. Seema, I will give you just a quick preview of the awesome human that she is. So Dr. Seema Desai is a credentialed executive coach based in Austin, Texas, who specializes in performance and wellbeing.
Her coaching helps high achieving and ambitious leaders go from stressed out and overwhelmed and frustrated to productive, effective and fulfilled. Through her speaking, her coaching, her workshops and her online course, she empowers people to discover the inner peace that lives within and to speak their truth confidently so that they can unlock the transformational success that they seek.
She draws on her cultural background and experiences with imposter syndrome, postpartum depression, and being a working mom to bring empathy and compassion to the people that she serves. She is also an author of the book Connected, Discovering Your Inner Guides, and the cohost of the podcast Happy in Human, which is fantastic. You should definitely check it out. She recently served as the co -president of the Austin chapter of Pratham USA, which is a nonprofit organization aimed at creating learning equity for underserved children in India and around the world. Although she's no longer seeking patients, Dr. Seema is a general dentist who practiced in the Austin area for more than 10 years.
And if that wasn't enough of an impact already, I just want to brag on her a little bit more. She accomplished something amazing recently. She was featured in Austin Women Magazine as one of 2024's Changemaker Women to Watch for being an inspiring, empowering, and successful female role model. And I could not agree more.
So with that, let's dive in and meet Dr. Seema.
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Seema Desai (02:36.462)
Hey, Kristiana thank you so much for having me.
Kristiana Corona (02:39.547)
I am so thrilled to have you here. Thank you for making time. Welcome to the podcast. This is so fun. Okay, so I gave my listeners just a little preview of who you are on paper, but I would love it if you would share a little bit more about the journey of how you got to where you are today. You have had a very interesting road going from dentistry to becoming a coach and a motivational speaker. Tell us a little bit more about how that happened.
Seema Desai (03:11.47)
So I like to call it checkbox syndrome. And maybe I should call it checkbox phenomenon because the syndrome implies that there's something wrong and it's diagnosable and you need to fix it. Versus a phenomenon is just more something that happens, right? And it is something that just happens much like imposter phenomenon, checkbox phenomenon is basically where you're told be a good girl and do all of these things. And if you do that to fit in, make your teachers happy, your parents happy, you'll be successful. And then you'll, you know, the not stated part of that is if you're successful, then you're happy. Right. So that was really my story. I grew up in a small town in Texas in the 80s and 90s where it was long before DEI was even a thing.
So we were one of the few Indian families in the community, one of the few non -Christian families in the community. And that was really difficult because my parents were working so hard. We didn't have a lot of money. They didn't come here with a guaranteed salary or success. Things are different now. And a lot of our newer community members have.
They come through big corporations, right? They come through Google, they come through Apple, but that wasn't my parents' story. They came with nothing. And so they were working really hard to assimilate and find some sort of feeling of safety in a brand new world. And you're a mom, Kristiana, you know, raising kids.
Kristiana Corona (04:54.619)
Yes, I am.
Seema Desai (05:04.238)
Like there's no manual for it. You can read books and you can, but my parents didn't do it. Like, I don't think any parents did that back in...that generation. No one read parenting books, no one took parenting classes. So anyway, all that to say, it was pretty difficult growing up in this time and place and environment where it was different and in one way at home and the expectations were different and then at school or with friends, it was very different.
So the analogy I like to use is, having two feet and one foot in each bucket and the buckets being on ice and you're working really hard to just make sure that your buckets don't slip out from underneath you and you fall and embarrass yourself. So if you can imagine just trying to go through and what does that mean to be a good Indian girl versus a good girl here in small town Texas? And I wound up doing everything that I could do to kind of keep myself safe and ensure security and safety. So I went, got good grades and I listened to my parents and I didn't do anything that most people tend to sneak out and do in high school. And, you know, like I followed the rules. I went to dental school. I met the love of my life who happened to check off all the boxes that my parents needed me to check off in order for that marriage to be approved.
We got married, we had kids, like all of those things. And I wound up feeling like, wow, is that all there is?
And it's a scary place to be because you're sitting here and you're like, wait, yep, I did everything I was supposed to do. And I have everything that people say you quote unquote should have in order to be happy and successful. And I don't feel that way. So now there's guilt, right? I should be happy, but I'm not happy. Wound up with postpartum depression, had a really, that was a long and very cold, lonely time. And wound up feeling like, okay, there's gotta be more. There's gotta be more. I've checked off all of these boxes. And now what? And so that journey inward from the brink of very suicidal thoughts was not an easy one, but here we are. And I'm so glad, I'm so honored that my son allowed me that experience of what it meant to really take a good long hard look in the mirror and say, okay, what's this all for?
Kristiana Corona (07:45.083)
Yeah, I can really sense in your story just the the setup of the expectations for you, like the expectation of living out the American dream, like what that looks like and how fulfilled you're supposed to feel. And then like the discomfort and the realization that like, wait, maybe that wasn't my dream. Like maybe my dream looked a little bit different than that. Like I maybe have achieved my parents' dream. But for me, maybe I wanted something a little bit different.
Like I know you said, you sometimes paraphrase your story as like, I had sold myself a version of success that wasn't mine, which I think is really powerful. And so by outside standards, you had absolutely achieved this thing that was just phenomenal, but inside you were, you were just working through that. And I'm sure there's so many listeners that can really relate to that. So you did something courageous.
Seema Desai (08:22.67)
Yeah.
Kristiana Corona (08:40.635)
You decided to completely take a different path for your life. What was it like making that choice?
Seema Desai (08:46.99)
Yeah, I mean, it certainly wasn't overnight and there was a lot of doubt because, and I love that what we're here to talk about really is worthiness, right? Like, am I worthy of having this dream? Who am I to look beyond what I've already created and dare to want more?
That's not always easy, especially when we don't always know in the thick of it what it is that we want. We just know that what we have is not it.
Kristiana Corona (09:18.555)
Yeah, absolutely. There's a lot of mom guilt in there. Like, how can I want more?
Seema Desai (09:24.014)
Tons!
How can I dare you want more as a mother? And importantly, my husband is one. He's very logical. He's very concrete. And so it's not that he's unsupportive, but it's difficult for him when you come, when I come to him with this big amorphous blob and weight of like, I'm not happy. Well, most of us are not trained to receive that and then really provide the appropriate scaffolding to help the other person through it. We want to give advice, we want to shut it down, we want to sweep it under the rug, whatever it may be. And that's kind of what he did unknowingly for a while. It was just because I didn't have answers.
Kristiana Corona (10:12.347)
And he desperately wanted to see you get out of that place.
Seema Desai (10:16.686)
Yes, absolutely. And so I always tell people when I share this, it's not to paint my husband in a bad light, but it's to really help people understand we all have the best of intentions. We just we're doing the best that we can. And sometimes we don't know how to do better.
Kristiana Corona (10:37.179)
Absolutely. So you chose this new path for yourself, one that maybe feels a little bit more true to your purpose. And really, it helps change lives. And I think that's amazing. So talk to me about that transition. You went through this period of self -reflection. You figured out, OK, this isn't what I want. But how did you decide what it is that you did want?
Seema Desai (11:04.622)
Well, I think I'm still deciding. You're never done. You're never done. No, I really didn't know. All I knew when I was depressed was that I just something needed to change. And so I started out, there was this yoga class that was not too far from my son's Montessori. And so I would go and take class there. And that was the only way I would not feel guilty is because he was in Montessori school at 18 months. And so I was like, well, I don't have, you know, I took time off to not practice dentistry because I wasn't happy doing it to begin with. And somebody needed to watch this kiddo. And so I was like, well, I guess I'll do it. I want to do it. So I did for the first 18 months. I watched him and I still am the primary caregiver for our kids, even though they're 12 and nine. My husband's super involved, but I'm still it. And so, I would go when I would feel least guilty, if that makes sense. I still felt guilty, even going when my kid was in school, for whatever reason. I haven't dissected that for myself.
But it started out with just moving my body and getting out of the four walls that confined us basically. And I think just that change of environment, being around other people and then moving your body really truly can help sort of ignite something, remove some energy blocks that we tend to store, emotions in our hips and our shoulders and our jaws. And so that was helpful.
And I just sort of continued, it was therapy for me for a while. I got acupuncture as well. I never actually got professional therapy, although that was probably something that would have been really helpful. But just sort of allowing myself to develop an activity, a skill that I had never done before. And it didn't have anything to do with anything I already knew how to do. I didn't, I wasn't thinking about making anything of it more than just an escape.
But these experiences were really helpful for me. So I got into yoga, became a passion, and it just sort of grew from there. And then I still over the years, just, it was a great release, but it didn't quite hit it on the head. And I finally just kind of got to the point where, you know, I felt so stuck. I just didn't know what to do.
And I thought, okay, I'm gonna go and be a yoga teacher. And I, you know, all sorts of messages about who are you to do that? Like, what kind of doctor goes... like, what?
Kristiana Corona (13:56.923)
That's a very alternative route, right? It's probably not something your family was used to.
Seema Desai (14:15.438)
Why did you go to school and spend all this money if like anybody can be a yoga teacher? And while yes, that's true, not everyone can be, you know, like a gifted yoga teacher in the way that I can. I'm not a certified teacher still, but no one can do things the way I can do them, right? Like we all have that gift of, I have a podcast, you have a podcast. My podcast is nowhere near great in the way that your podcast is great, right? And the same back for you because it's yours, it's unique. But we tell ourselves why we're not worthy of deserving to dream differently, forget bigger, just differently.
So I got coaching for myself and that is really one of the biggest things that allowed and unlocked all these other doors for just understanding like, wow, I'm the one that's creating these misperceptions. I'm the one that's creating the stress and perceiving it in the way that I am perceiving it, right? It's not my son, it's not my husband, it's not the weather. It's not where my office is located. It's me. I have the ability to control how I see things and how I respond to those things. And that was, that was huge.
Kristiana Corona (15:28.699)
That is such an important insight. And I feel like from the coaching standpoint, that is the real power of getting into that field, right? Like being able to sit down and have those reflective conversations with yourself and really analyze, like, where am I getting in my own way? Where am I deciding the way things have to be before I even try them? Or defining a course and saying this is not going to be successful before I even put in effort and see where it goes. You know, like how many times in life are we shutting a door for ourselves when we don't need to?
Seema Desai (16:03.694)
A thousand percent because it's all assumptions. And I mean, really from a universal law perspective, our brains, well, on so many levels, when we sit there and tell ourselves all the reasons why something won't work or it'll be too hard or it's not worth your time, I don't have enough time, money, resources, whatever, we're shifting our energy and cutting off any possible way for the universe to actually help move us forward. We're resonating at a different frequency, a lower frequency in the universe when you're tapped into it, that quantum physics lens is a very high vibration. And when those frequencies don't match, you're not gonna be able to synergize. You're not gonna be able to receive all the help that is being offered because you're too busy shutting it down, right?
Kristiana Corona (16:55.579)
Yeah. And I think there was such a powerful moment of just seeing that in action when we met at the Brendon Burchard Conference in Austin, like just being surrounded by a group of people who were so high energy, so high frequency, like really going after their goals, really embodying what it looks like to attract the right kind of energy to yourself. I just think back to that moment where you and I were standing in a visualization exercise, complete strangers, right? Like just sitting next to each other at a conference. I knew who you were, but you know, going through that experience of embodying and manifesting what it is we really want in our life and how emotional that is and just like tears flowing, how are we showing up for each other? How are we helping support each other in going after these goals that you know, deep down, are completely aligned to who you are. I just, I think that was so amazing. Like that's how we met at this random conference.
Seema Desai (18:01.166)
I know, and I remember just, I remember hugging you and just holding you the way, like we had been friends for years. And now you are one of my really good friends, which is so funny. But I think what I'm hearing you say is it doesn't take a lot. It just takes you tapping into the right frequency, kind of like an old radio where we used to kind of tune to find the station we wanted to find, right? It's out there. If you wanted to listen to jazz music, it's being played, you can hear it, but you've got to turn the dial on your radio to be able to hear that clearly and well. And I really feel like that's all it takes is just these little perspective shifts, which is why coaching is powerful, which is why meditation is so powerful. Movement is so powerful. Being in nature is so powerful. Finding your tribe is so powerful because they all are energy equalizers in that way.
Kristiana Corona (19:07.515)
I love that concept and how like as a leadership group we're so focused on results, we're so focused on outcomes and a lot of the focus really needs to be on the how, the mindset and like how are we feeling as we're going through this experience? Are we living into that fully? Are we taking some of those elements that you talked about and then really incorporating those so that we feel in alignment with the actions that we're taking.
So let's fast forward to today. So you are now a full-time leadership coach and motivational speaker. You speak to groups around the country, helping them build confidence and self-worth, and especially thinking about public speaking, speaking on a stage, which I think is absolutely incredible. And I admit, this is definitely an area where I have had to overcome imposter syndrome and I'm still working on it.
And there's just so many leaders out there who are phenomenal, right? Phenomenal speakers, they're captivating, they're inspiring, they're out there doing this, and it just feels flawless, and it's so easy to compare yourself, right? And you're trying to imagine, how could I show up in that way?
So can you talk a little bit about your journey towards becoming a confident public speaker, and really what helped you to get there?
Seema Desai (20:31.854)
So this story has come up three times in one week. And it's a memory that I'm gonna share with you that honestly I had buried. And so, it's so funny. People tell me, this is just easy for you, right? When you get on the podcast, when you're speaking, it's easy for you. And the reality is that it's not a natural born talent. It wasn't something that I stumbled upon and discovered to be true. I remember, you know, I spoke earlier and touched on the whole questioning of your identity, right? How do I fit in at home? How do I fit in at school? I come from a very patriarchal culture of, you know, women and girls just be quiet and they listen to their husbands, they listen to their mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law. And they listen to their parents and their opinion doesn't matter. And so to speak up that, I mean, that was a foreign concept in my house. I had more leeway than I think my mom did with my dad, but I still, it was very clear that I was not to make waves.
And the memory that comes to mind that's come up now, several times is I remember being seven and we, as I mentioned, we didn't have a lot of money. So my clothes were hand-me-down clothes. We lived in an area where the apartments we were in were zoned to this one public school, but it was also the public school that the country club kids were zoned to. Okay. So now we have a cultural difference and a socioeconomic difference. And here's this kid trying to figure out, you know, how do I fit in here?
And so it was career day, seven years old, I was wearing hand-me-down clothes and the idea of what do you want to be when you grow up? Nobody had ever asked me that at seven. I didn't know what my career options were. And so I remember thinking, I guess I'll just say, a model. And I had on this denim skirt with white fringe and I don't remember what top I had. I don't remember that I even had cowboy boots. I don't know. But I remember getting up and barely having the courage to muster out those words "I want to be a model when I grow up." And the kids in the class just dissolved into laughter.
And that was just horrifying for me. It was the worst. I didn't have language to understand what it was that was happening. I didn't really have psychological safety to go home and talk about it with my parents to help me figure that out. And...So yeah, it was just a weird place to be. And I think that was really the first conscious moment I had that if I were to just stay quiet, then no one would laugh at me. No one would, you know, like get good grades, keep your mouth quiet, don't take risks. Good Indian girls are supposed to be quiet anyway. So that was the first time.
Kristiana Corona (24:22.395)
Yeah, don't take risks.
Seema Desai (24:33.486)
Exactly. Don't take risks. You know, fast forward and that tendency showed up in my marriage when we first started dating even. I would not be able to in a healthful way advocate for what I wanted, even if it was I don't feel like having Italian. I want to have Mexican or you know, it was very difficult for me to speak up. I've had, you know, patients make sexual remarks to me that were inappropriate and I did not have the confidence to stand up and say that's inappropriate.
I have had just countless life experiences. At my wedding, I remember barely being able to squeak out "thank you," after my husband gave this big, beautiful speech about how we're so grateful for our parents and blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I think that confidence that desire to develop my voice really started to come as a result of, okay, well, I'm not happy doing this, right? Not happy with dentistry, not happy with whatever. So how do I develop that? And honestly, what worked for me was just doing it anyway, being scared anyway, knowing you're gonna mess up, you're gonna look stupid, but start small.
I started this Instagram account back in 2018. I had no idea what I was going to do. It was still practicing dentistry. No clue. And I was just playing around and I was like, well, I'll get on stories and talk to the camera as if it was a human being. And I just sort of, I didn't have a lot of followers. I didn't have any followers. And so when it was just practice, it was just going through the motions and that willingness to go through the motions and speak as if it really didn't matter whether or not I looked silly, right? I made sure that what I was saying felt good to me and I believed what I was saying. But as far as looking silly or messing up, I just practiced not caring. And that led to more opportunities and more opportunities and more opportunities.
And I think, you know, just it's...the more you do it, the easier it gets. But it's certainly never the imposter phenomenon, am I worthy to get up here and say this? Who am I? Like that never goes away, but we just have to learn to befriend it.
Kristiana Corona (27:03.099)
Yeah, it's so powerful just hearing that journey from where you started, because I think there's a lot of people that can identify with this. This is my personality trait, right? Like, this is who I am. This is who I've been raised to be. This is a limiter for me. I will never be one of those people because that's not my personality or that's not what I've been raised to do or have skills to do.
And I think you're busting that wide open. I think there is something so powerful in saying, I can become by doing and by believing and by adopting this new identity and saying, well, what I have here, it's just, I don't like it, or it's not working, or it's keeping me stuck and I don't want to be stuck anymore. And sometimes that massive feeling of frustration, right? It just makes us say, fine, I'll do the thing I don't want to do, or I'll do the thing that's scary because at the end of the day, I don't want to be in this place anymore. And I just love how there was that combination of overcoming that fear and overcoming that stuckness and just putting yourself out there. That's such a challenge that I think we all kind of face. And I love that you just tackled it head on.
Seema Desai (28:15.566)
Yeah, well, you know, the two phrases that come to mind are one is doing is a lot of effort, but being is effortless. But you don't get to being unless you do, right? Like in my opinion, you have to, you want to be at peace, you have to practice doing the things that bring you peace. And eventually your brain starts to recognize like, okay, I've been down this path before. I know what's coming, it starts to become familiar and then it doesn't take as much physiologically, it just doesn't take as much glucose for your brain to execute that, right? Because it's a familiar thing. So I just, that's one of my favorites, really is.
Kristiana Corona (29:03.291)
I love it. Just kind of figuring out how you build that new neural pathway in your brain and saying, intentionally, I know this is gonna be hard. I know this is gonna be painful and awkward and I'm gonna do it anyway because eventually I know that payoff. Like physiologically, you know that that payoff will happen if you continue forward and just persist and just keep practicing.
One of the ways that you share your voice today is through your podcast. I'm sure that was a plunge of getting confident to start something new like that, where you're constantly putting your voice out there, right? Like being an expert, interviewing people, talking in a much more public way. So tell me a little bit about that experience and maybe how that has impacted, you know, your connections with other people or the opportunities that you've gotten.
Seema Desai (30:00.878)
Yeah, you know, when my co-host Dinesh, he approached me about maybe doing a podcast, my first inclination was to shut it down. I don't have time. I don't know how to do that. It wasn't really even about what will people think of me or, you know, because by that point, both he and I had been on social media and we had been, you know, that felt less scary. But it was just more the process of it.
And so, when we go through and we go through the motions of like, all right, let's try it, let's think about it. I think the other thing as overachievers, as perfectionists, we also want results and we want them fast, right?
Kristiana Corona (30:46.299)
Always.
Seema Desai (30:59.022)
So you think to yourself, I'm gonna start a podcast. And who could blame us now with Amazon Prime and overnight delivery and all of these things, of course. One thing that was really helpful was to take it slow. We talked about doing the podcast for a year, but importantly, we took action for that year. Taking it slow does not mean, well, think about it. No, no, no, no, no, no. It is, okay, well, if we were to do a podcast, what would that look like? Who would we talk to? What is it that we're wanting to say? Just revisiting periodically and letting the universe sort of download inspiration and ideas into our minds and hearts and souls. That was really special to be able to have that experience and not force ourselves to say, okay, we're gonna do a podcast and boom, now it's done.
And I think the other thing too is experts are a dime a dozen. But when you find something that you really believe in, then it kind of takes care of a lot of this worthiness nonsense that comes up too, right? Well, I guess it's not nonsense because it's very real. But when you're in alignment with what you believe, you're more authentic, you're more connected with your inner wisdom. And so you're less in your head about what am I gonna say? How am I gonna say it? What are they gonna think of me? Because you're just so deeply connected to your purpose in your message.
Kristiana Corona (32:29.019)
Yeah, I love that. And I think that, you know, that's something that I've been thinking about a lot too, just starting this podcast is how do you stay in that frame of mind where it's about the people you're serving and the message that you want to put out into the world instead of getting really wrapped up in how do I execute this? I got to create an email, I got to create social, you know, like all the ways that we get in our own way about the marketing or the production of a thing and...
But not letting that overwhelm, right? Like just being able to say, yep, that comes with the territory. It will get easier. I will learn how to do all of these things. But the most important thing is being of service. And one of the messages and the takeaways that I've always loved from Brendon at both his conference and a lot of his teaching is just, if you're not the one putting the message out there, this feed that is coming to people is just going to be perpetually shallow and negative and ridiculous and not not worthy and creating more imposter syndrome and more comparisonitis and all of this. Our job and the reason why we have to care and why we go through this process that can be scary and difficult and challenging is someone has to combat that. And if you're not going to do it, who's going to do it? Right?
Your job is to put positive messages out there to encourage people to help them think differently, to help them get unstuck, to help them understand where their voice comes from. And so there's just something awesome about connecting that together and being able to think about it from a more of a meta level or more of a, like you said, deep alignment level versus just getting stuck on that tactical day to day.
Seema Desai (34:19.15)
100%. And I think that that will also kind of take care of this fear problem too, right? Well, two things. One, when you're not the one stepping up to the plate, you're then choosing consciously or not to create your own suffering, right? You're then not living your purpose and then that's very unfulfilling.
There's a reason it feels unfulfilling. It's because it's not authentic to you. And so just like you would never wear a dress that wasn't your size or shoes that weren't your size because it wouldn't feel good, you know, we've got to wear our purpose. We've got to breathe our purpose. And that purpose can change over time.
I know a lot of content creators who started out talking about one thing and then shifted and then shifted again and then shifted again. It's not something that you have to tattoo to your arm. It's not something that you have to sign your life away to. But purposes can be big. They can be short term. They can be long term. They can be many and coexistent at the same time, but just pick something.
And then the other thing that comes to mind is when we're talking about the fear of public speaking. I think it's so interesting how our brains fool us into thinking that the fear is a problem. Of course, you're going to be scared because it's unfamiliar and new. And you don't know the outcome of that experience, right?
I'm sure that if Brendon Burchard or Leila Hormozi or any one of these people, if they really allowed themselves to get in their heads, they could find themselves in a place where they're like, I'm getting up in front of hundreds of thousands of people, what if I fail? What if I trip? What if I this? What if I that? But they do it anyway, right? I do it anyway, because the fear is supposed to be there. It's supposed to keep us safe. Fear is a part of our ego.
The ego, we're better served to befriend it, right, and not fight it, and we don't wanna make it bigger, but when we can just acknowledge that it's a part of our existence as a human being, it's there to actually keep us safe, right? In my book, I talk about them as guards, right? So they're protective like puppy dogs. It's meant to keep us safe. The ego, meaning fear or any emotion that's rooted in fear like anxiety, blame, shame, anger, worry, guilt, embarrassment, any of those. It's rooted in the desire to keep us safe, right? To keep us accepted into the tribe because back in the day when we were cast out of the tribe, that was a death sentence. So the fear is going to happen.
But that doesn't mean that we're actually in a life-threatening situation. Our body is just doing primitive things and recognizing when there's an unfamiliar situation or an unknown outcome. But when we can recognize I'm gonna act and move through the fear, I'm gonna allow it to come with me and befriend the fear and find something to anchor to that's bigger than the fear, louder than the fear, like purpose, like authenticity, then it becomes much easier.
Kristiana Corona (38:12.763)
Well, right, because it's just completely unrealistic to think at any point in our life that we're going to completely conquer fear and not feel it. It's uncomfortable for a reason.
So, okay, this is awesome. I love the connection between the feeling and knowing and acknowledging that feeling and then doing the thing anyway. So as you think about going on stage and if you were going to maybe give some advice to my listeners... First of all, what are some of the ways that you connect that fear and transition it or change its meaning or use it for good to help your speaking get better? And then any other tools or tricks that have been especially helpful for you to just embody that worthiness as you go out on stage.
Seema Desai (38:58.958)
Yeah, well, I think for me, first of all, what's been a game changer is developing a sense of interoception. And what that means is our bodies are actually far more intuitive than we recognize. So it's constantly sensing things, it's constantly feeling things, but we've learned in our effort to survive to actually cut off communication from it.
That's what people mean by listening to their gut or having the sinking feeling in their stomach. That's their body talking to them. And it's up to us to decide, am I going to react to that fear and say, it's not safe. I'm going to shut myself down or, it's unfamiliar and there are bigger things that I'm going to attach myself to and do it anyway.
So developing that sense of, I feel this way when I'm scared, that helps me understand, that's where I'm at, right? Like when I was teaching my kids during the pandemic, we were like, okay, we gotta figure out how to communicate with more compassion. The analogy I came up with, and I think it's in my book too, is it's like crossing a bridge.
So when you look at where you are at on the bridge, are you in that state of the guard, where your fear is ruling, or you're feeling stressed, or you're feeling uncomfortable in a yucky, sticky way, then you kind of know, all right, this is where I'm at. And then it's also important to develop a sense of, who is it that I want to be? Going back to doing versus being, I want to be on stage myself, because it feels good to be myself.
I want to be confident, I want to have fun, right? And so knowing what that feels like in your body is equally important because now it's kind of like a GPS, right? Where you plug in, here's where I'm at, and here's where I want to go. And you can use breathing techniques, visualization, thought work, movement. Any one of these things, and there's a thousand more out there, as modalities to help you shift across the bridge, as I say, into that more deeply connected state of being.
So I know before I go on stage or before I hit record on a podcast, I will take a few breaths. I will try to embody literally in my body what it feels like to be happy and easeful and peaceful and confident and purposeful and of service, right? Those things will look and feel very different for different people and they might feel similarly in very different ways too. So I think just taking time to slow down and reflect on what it means to feel scared for you or feel a phobia for you versus feeling in your element, feeling on your game, super powerful.
Kristiana Corona (42:11.643)
I love that so much. Both the slowing down part and just not letting our body get ahead of us, right? Like being able to sit in that discomfort for just a minute and recognize it for what it is. But then also I love that connectivity back to I have other lived experiences. I have other things I can draw from, other resources that I can draw from here that feel good, that remind me of my ability, that remind me to be confident and how to have fun. And it isn't imaginary, it's lived experience and you can literally take your body and sort of put it into that space intentionally, which I think is incredible.
As you think about that practice, how long did it take for that ritual to start feeling natural for you or to start paying dividends?
Seema Desai (43:02.734)
First of all, paying dividends immediately, right? Because the wins may be small, but they're wins. And sometimes the wins surprise you when you detach from the expectation of everything's gonna go perfectly. And you ask yourself, what went well? The answers might surprise you. And the other thing that happens is when your body is in tune with how it feels good, then the what do I say part kind of falls away, right? It just sort of flows through you.
And so that practice, I'm still practicing. Every day is a practice. There are days where I mess up completely. There's days where I say, I don't feel like doing it. And then it might feel more turbulent than the days where I really am intentional and I slow down and I really am more reflective.
But immediate dividends are possible. Simply taking a few breaths. Simply recognizing, okay, what is it that I want to create as a result of this experience? Especially when you're first starting out, sometimes the goal isn't to have this massive standing ovation, but it's really just to go and do the thing, right? So if you get up there, or even if it's writing an email, right, it doesn't have to be public speaking, but sometimes it's just writing that email and saying your truth in a way that feels good to you. If you can just write it.
Kristiana Corona (44:30.235)
Yeah. I love the ability of just those micro wins and building those upon each other. I had a win where I wrote an email, I edited it, and I love how it sounds. OK, the next time, how can I write that email a little quicker? The next time, maybe I could say it out loud or leave a voicemail. Building those steps to getting to that point where you can maybe do the bigger thing that's more scary.
Seema Desai (44:30.446)
That's a huge win, right?
Kristiana Corona (45:00.475)
Love this. Okay. This has been such a great conversation. I really appreciate you. I feel like every time I talk to you, I get more inspired and more motivated. I know that my listeners are going to want to hear more from you. So where should they go to find you?
Seema Desai (45:16.398)
So you can find me on LinkedIn, you can find me on Instagram, and I have my website, this is drseemadesai.com. And I am also hosting a retreat for the first time ever in the fall. And I'm so excited. It's for spiritually conscious, compassionate female leaders who are looking to step into more confidence and empowerment as they lead at work and at home. And so I'm just so thrilled.
If any of your listeners want to come hang out with me in Austin for a couple of days at the end of October, you know that I would welcome them with open arms and an open heart. So you can learn more about that at drseemadesai.com/retreat.
Kristiana Corona (45:58.715)
That just sounds amazing. I've seen the retreat details. It's going to be a fantastic time. You also do coaching engagements, yes? And you do public speaking trainings. Tell me about the things that you offer, just in case they want to dig in a little bit more.
Seema Desai (46:08.91)
I do. Yes.
I do one-on-one coaching. I also do group and team workshops. So a lot of my most requested things are breath work to maximize effective decision-making, confident decision-making, more conscious leadership. So those are the types of things that I work on in the workshop setting.
And then of course, there's my online course, which Kristiana, you actually were a huge supporter of, and I have you to thank as the reason for this course even existing. We were talking about how to just find calm in the chaos of the day. Everything, you've got back-to-back meetings, you've got kid stuff, you're worrying about how do I get dinner on the table? Is it going to be healthy? Am I going to be able to do all the things that I want to do?
There's a thousand decisions coming at us at once. And sometimes we just need to hit the pause button, but we tell ourselves we can't because we don't have time. And so the whole impetus of the course was to help you find calm in the chaos by using something that's always at your disposal, your breath, to help you push pause, to help you get in touch with your body and help you make those decisions with more confidence and clarity and focus. So that is also one way to work with me.
Kristiana Corona (47:42.619)
To all the folks out there who are in that position today where you're just running from thing to thing. I think Dr. Seema offers just so many amazing options and tools and coaching to really help you figure out how to coexist with that, right? Like how to thrive in that environment, which can be so challenging.
Thank you again. This was amazing. I will be posting all of this information, all the ways that you can find Dr. Seema on the show notes for this episode. Thank you so much again.
Seema Desai (48:19.182)
You're so welcome. Thank you for having me.
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Kristiana Corona
I don't know about you, but I was super inspired by that conversation talking to Seema I mean, she was so vulnerable and willing to just tell us the details of her story. Sharing things that were that painful and challenging, but also how those ended up being the launch pads for her to find her true purpose and the career path that was truly the thing that would make her fulfilled. It's just incredible.
I also loved her recommendations around how to build a mindset that sets you up for success with public speaking. Using breath work and meditation and movement to really help calm ourselves and then relying on interoception, which as she mentioned is paying attention to the internal signals that our body is sending us and really understanding what that fear feels like in our body.
When we understand it, we can then reprogram our internal GPS to focus on embodying different feelings like confidence, peace, ease, and being of service. It's amazing how powerful the mind and the body can be when we recognize sensations and emotions, and then we know how to work with them versus fighting against them. I really hope you enjoyed today's conversation.
If you’d like to learn more about Dr. Seema Desai, check out the show notes for this episode at: worthytoleadpodcast.com/3. On that page I will post all the social channels where you can follow her. The Happy in Human podcast is another great one you should definitely follow. She has multiple coaching and training offerings. So if public speaking training or mindfulness for leaders is an area that you'd love to bring her into your company, definitely think about that.
And of course, the fabulous coaching and yoga retreat that she's putting on in Austin this October. One of her clients said, Seema's combination of yoga and coaching is perfect for recovering workaholics and super achievers, constantly reminding them to get back into their bodies and experience insight provoking moments. So I would definitely recommend checking this out.
If you're enjoying this podcast, don't forget to subscribe so that you get all the new episodes when I release them. And please share with your friends and any other leaders in your life that really need to hear these messages. With that, I wish you a wonderful day and best wishes on your journey to being the worthy leaders I know you are. Bye for now.
