"The essence of coaching is about listening and being curious. The more that you can really put aside your own judgments and your own ideas about the right way to solve a problem, the better you're going to get at being a coach and empowering your team."
(Kristiana Corona)
Welcome to the Worthy to Lead podcast. I'm your host, Kristiana Corona, and I'm so excited that you're here. In the last episode, I shared a little bit about my journey of going from being the worst, most awkward manager of all time to a confident and empowering leader that actually gets results by learning how to use coaching skills to develop my team. Executive coaching was the aha that I needed to get out of the weeds and up to the altitude where I could actually be more effective and lead.
This was absolutely transformational for me because it shifted my entire mental model around how I approached my team. Rather than giving them the answers, I leveraged well-timed questions to help them think through situations which helped them to develop a stronger sense of judgment and ownership, thinking like business owners themselves. And this allowed me to focus on the things that I had always wanted to: strategy, innovation, holding high standards for our work and developing people on a deeper level.
In today's episode, we are going to go deeper into the professional coaching world. So consider this your immersive dunk tank experience into coaching. First, we're going to explore some foundational principles of coaching. Talk about what it is, what it isn't and how it fits into the ecosystem with other leadership techniques like management or mentoring or even teaching. They are quite different and are used for very different purposes. We are going to talk today about how to know when to use each one.
After that, I will share a quick 15 minute coaching framework that you can use any time to get started coaching with your team today. And while it's super helpful to get trained in coaching through a professional program, like I did, there's nothing stopping you from getting started now. These short 15 minute conversations can absolutely be full of impact and start to create meaningful change when you practice them regularly.
Finally, I will share the five keys to setting up a successful coaching environment so that you get the most out of your time together. There are definitely some gotchas to watch out for. I'll help you navigate those so that you can set yourself up for success. Okay, we have a lot to cover today, so let's dive in.
When you hear the word coaching, you may have a lot of different mental images that come to mind. Perhaps you imagine someone coaching baseball, or maybe you think of someone who has mentored you in the past and helped guide your career. Maybe you think of coaching as something you receive when you screw up, like, hey, can I give you some coaching on how you can do a better job presenting next time? Yeah, that's everyone's favorite kind of coaching.
There are many different applications of the word coaching, so I just want to clarify the context of the type of coaching that I do, and that has really changed my leadership style. This coaching is sometimes called professional coaching or executive coaching. So let's start by defining how coaching is unique from other helping professions and skills like therapy, mentoring, teaching, and performance management.
Most people are fairly familiar with therapy and the benefits that it offers. It's focused on looking back at patterns of behavior or thought to help identify, diagnose, and heal problems that are holding people back from living life to their fullest. Coaching and therapy both examine patterns of behavior and mindset, so they have that in common. But coaching is focused on looking at who you are in the present, not the past, and where you want to get to to create a more desirable future for yourself.
Coaching is not a replacement for therapy, and it's not meant to give medical diagnoses. Rather, it starts with the assumption that your employee is whole and capable to make their own decisions. So if you as a leader are considering having a coaching conversation with someone who's really struggling... First, think about whether this person has the mental bandwidth to think creatively in that moment or commit to change. If not, it may be better to point them towards employee assistance programs to really help them work through that first. Once they've gotten to a place where they feel more open to possibilities, then you can lean in and start experimenting with coaching. Just make sure you're doing it in a way that supports what your employee needs most in that moment.
So next, let's talk about mentoring. During mentorship, as you know, the experienced mentor is sharing their own journey and their words of wisdom and really imparting tips and advice to the mentee that they can use to apply to their own situation. So, okay, how is coaching different? Well, they are often commonly confused and people throw these words out simultaneously all the time.
Coaching is rooted in the belief that you have the answers inside of you already. And it's our job as coaches to help you find them and to uncover them. Your internal wisdom often knows the right next steps to take without any input from others. So mentoring can be super valuable in that it's very inspiring and it can provide some high level guidance. But there may be some ideas that we try on for size and we realize they're just not quite us. We prefer to do things a little differently. And we are more willing to commit to ideas that we came up with ourselves and really fully invest in them. And so that's really a differentiator between those two.
Okay, so what's the difference between teaching or managing? In these scenarios, we are giving clear instructions, how-tos, and specific feedback on performance. And the context here is near-term and very specific.
In coaching, we start with the premise that the employee is capable and creative and that they can come up with ideas and solutions themselves. So the goals that we're focused on here are big and audacious and unique and personal to that individual. So providing a playbook or a set of instructions for the big picture growth, it just really isn't feasible. It needs to be an organic process that is full of experimentation and learning along the way.
So, how do you know when to use coaching versus teaching? Or when it needs to be performance management? That's a question I get a lot, and I've had a lot of time to think about over the years. Some key signs would be if this person is new to the organization, or maybe they're junior, or they're just looking for concrete answers on how to solve a near -term problem. Asking them a lot of open-ended coaching questions would probably end up in major frustration. In this case, teaching is just a much more effective tool here. They really need something quick and actionable, and they may be very unfamiliar with how to find that in this organization, and so really giving them the answer in that case makes more sense.
Another scenario where coaching just really isn't appropriate is when you're dealing with an urgent emergency and others need to know what to do. So taking extra time to explore multiple options, it's probably not gonna take care of the problem quickly enough, nor will people be thinking clearly to rationally evaluate their options at that point. The clearest option here is really just to provide direction and to delegate responsibility.
Finally, performance management conversations are different also because they require direct, actionable feedback that cannot entirely be replaced with coaching. While coaching can be a complement to this conversation and be used as a follow-up tool, in this case, there needs to be clear guidelines and expectations. And if those are not communicated, it can result in HR issues down the road, so...
Just make sure to differentiate between if direct feedback and guidance is required to reach a certain performance level, or if the employee has the freedom to resolve the issue any way that they would like.
Okay, that was a lot of background. Thanks for sticking with me. Now that you have more clarity on how coaching is different from therapy, mentoring, teaching, and performance management, let's summarize what coaching actually is. The International Coaching Federation, or ICF, which is one of the top governing bodies that certifies coaches around the world, defines coaching as...
Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. The process of coaching often unlocks previously untapped sources of imagination, productivity, and leadership.
I like to describe it like this:
You have a vision for your life, your career, and who you want to be. And you can see that ideal future for yourself out on the horizon. But in between where you're standing today and that horizon line, is some really rugged terrain. There's rocky hills, deep valleys, unexplored jungles, rivers, dead ends, and maybe even some hidden traps. Coaches are like the co-pilot who is riding with you in that Jeep through the jungle. They help guide you through the different terrain. They evaluate the paths available, and they help you decide which way you'll turn, but you are in control.
Along the way, you are exploring new territory and learning what gets you closer to that far off destination and what doesn't. That coach is constantly reminding you of the future that you're driving towards and prompts you to correct course when you get lost or stuck. You're not in this alone. Your coach is by your side the whole way, cheering you on and holding you accountable to your goals and making sure you fill up the gas tank.
There used to be this journal at Target that I really loved that had a quote on the front of it that summarized coaching perfectly. I'm not sure if they still make it, but if they do, I want to buy a whole stack of them so that I can give them away to people. It's just such a good reminder. Here's what it says on the cover.
Finding yourself is not really how it works. You aren't a $10 bill in last winter's coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people's opinions and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. Finding yourself is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.
Ugh, it's so good. You just feel the truth of that message to the core of your being. Who were you before the world got its hands on you? And how do we help you get back to that authentic place? That place where you are the best and brightest and truest version of yourself.
As leaders, people come to us all day long with seemingly small decisions or problems to solve, but underneath many of those are underlying patterns of belief about what they are or are not capable to do. And when we approach people with a coaching mindset, we can go deeper than that surface problem and really get to the heart of things, to what's really important. This not only helps to solve the immediate problem, but it helps your employees to connect that situation back to the big picture. They feel understood, seen for who they really are, and safe to be honest and vulnerable with you.
If you've ever been accused of not being a good listener, lacking emotional intelligence, or not trusting your people enough, use this framework that I'm going to teach you next to dramatically change how your team perceives you. And it will create a deeper trust and empowerment than you ever thought possible.
The framework I'm going to share with you is one that you can start using today in your one-on-ones with an employee or a peer when they come to you with a problem to solve. It only takes 10 to 15 minutes and you will be amazed at how quickly they find answers for themselves. If you would like to follow along with me as I go through this, you can find the downloadable framework in the show notes for this episode at worthytoleadpodcast.com/2, which is the number two.
It may feel a little stiff and awkward as you get started, but that's okay. As you practice regularly, you'll start to find words that feel authentic to you and fit your style. So don't be intimidated because we all stumble through coaching when we start. But as we often said in coaching school, even bad coaching is better than no coaching. So give it your best shot and keep learning and I will be cheering for you along the way.
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Let's go through the 15 minute coaching conversation framework now. So again, this is a framework that you can use to start incorporating coaching into your one-on-one employee conversations. You can also use this framework with peers as an alternate approach. So let's imagine that you are sitting down for an advisory session where normally they would be coming to you as a subject matter expert to help solve a problem. This works equally well with peers.
So you start off the conversation with the intro, this is really open-ended questions that help set the stage for the overall conversation. You would ask a question like, what's on your mind today? Or what would you like to explore or work on today?
And then when the employee responds, then you dig in a little bit more to clarify the focus for the conversation. So, they may just express a problem to you. And one of the ways you can clarify that is to ask them, hey, can you share a little bit more about what's happening with that communication problem or with that particular interaction? The goal here is to get really clear on the problem to be solved. They may not express it right away. So it's important to just ask a couple of follow-up questions there to make sure that you fully understand what they want to dig into.
So then you shift and you move into this space around envisioning what good looks like. So you ask questions like, What would you like to see happen if you made this change? Or paint me a picture of what success would look like. Or what do you think would happen if you were wildly successful at solving this problem? And then get them to really talk about and get excited about that vision for what the solution could look like or what the future could look like if they were able to resolve this.
And you can also use the opposite question to help ground them in why they need to take an action. So for example, what would happen if you kept things the way that they are today? So you want them to really follow that train of thought through both the action towards something much better and why they actually need to leave where they are today. And notice again, I'm using the words what when I ask the question, not why. So what would happen? What would you like to see?
Okay, so they paint that vision and then you start to explore possibilities. So this is the point where people usually start jumping in and saying, oh, I know how you can get there. But what you want to do is you want to keep it really open and ask them to start solving that problem. So you would ask a question like, what are some of the things you could try to move in that direction? Or what are some of the areas you could explore?
And then usually they'll just sort of noodle around a little bit and think about a lot of different things. And, you know, they're not all going to be in order, of course. They're just whatever's coming to mind.
So after exploring a few things, then it's important to start narrowing down. So they named a bunch of different things here. Let's narrow it down and actually start thinking about defined actions. And so you could say something like, Okay, now that you have some possible options, what do you want to commit to doing to help you move towards that goal? Or if, you know, committing sounds like a really strong word, you could talk about it in terms of an experiment. So, what experiment could you try this week to start taking action? And then as they start to think about that, like, okay, how could I really start playing with that idea?
You can also ask a follow-up about, you know, what else would you need to get started? What kind of resources, what kind of support, what kind of time would you need in order to make progress on that? Our goal here is to really get them unstuck, to help them think through all the important things that they need to do before they do them so that this potential experiment or this potential action that they're committing to can actually be successful.
And so finally, after they've gotten to that action, you are at the end of the conversation and it's time to wrap up. And it's really important to just ask, hey, how was this conversation for you? What are you taking away from this conversation? And then at the very end to give some sort of affirmation. You want them to come back and do this again, right? So, hey, you've come up with some great ideas in 15 minutes. It sounds like you're well on your way. Or, hey, I really appreciate you sitting down to talk about all of this today, and I'll be here cheering you on.
So, again, this conversation can be as short or as long as you want it to. I've had many, many effective conversations that were 10 minutes, I've had some that were 40 minutes, I've had some that were an hour. It just depends on the time that you have, but using this framework is really going to elevate your ability to just get the fluency that you need to start operating conversations in this way. So start simple, try this framework and see how it works for you and I would love to hear how it goes.
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Okay, so let's take a moment to go through some of the key factors that are most important in setting up an effective environment for coaching. Mostly, this is about avoiding the common pitfalls that many managers and leaders make that can detract from your efforts and erode trust. If you are multitasking right now, come back to me for a minute. I have some important points to share here.
First, silence any alerts and notifications. You absolutely cannot be multitasking during this kind of conversation. If you're worried that you're going to be interrupted, try and find a time when you can be 100% focused on the person you're coaching and give them your undivided attention. It's so critical.
Number two, ensure that you're in a private room with a door that can be closed. Having a coaching conversation out in the open where others can listen in is not going to give you that level of vulnerability and honesty that you're really looking for.
Number three, don't give advice and don't tell them what to do. No matter how confident you are that you know how to solve their problem, try to keep an open mind and remain curious. And if they point blank ask you, well, what would you do to solve this problem? Say something like, I can definitely share my thoughts with you, but I'd like to hear what you come up with first.
Number four, don't judge their ideas or tell them why they won't work. Your role as a coach is to be a neutral third party and to ask questions to help them think things through, not to tell them that they're wrong. Not to tell them that they're wrong. Replace any accusatory sounding phrases that start with why, like why did you think that would work, with questions that start with how or what. For example, how will you work through that? Or what could you try?
And number five, most importantly, thank them for sharing with you. No matter the outcome of the conversation, you need to affirm their thinking and their choice to be open and honest about that problem with you. Your goal is to make them feel safe and to want them to come back again. And over time, they'll become more and more comfortable sharing important things with you because you listen and you show interest in their thoughts and ideas in a way that others don't. They will feel more empowered, more confident and clear after talking with you. And this feels so good.
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So if there's anything that you take away from today, I just want you to remember that the essence of coaching is about listening and being curious. The more that you can really put aside your own judgments and your own ideas about the right way to solve a problem, the better you're going to get at being a coach and empowering your team. Thank you so much for sticking around with me today and learning about the ins and outs of coaching.
I know we covered a lot of ground and it's gonna take some time to unpack it all. We dove into what coaching is, what it isn't, how it's different from mentoring, therapy and performance management. And we covered the 15 minute framework that you can use to start having coaching conversations with your team today. And the five keys to setting up an effective coaching environment.
I really hope you found this helpful and that you go and download that 15 minute coaching conversation framework. It's totally free so that you can try it today with your team. Again, you can find all of these resources in the show notes with this episode at worthytoleadpodcast.com/2.
And if you do go try the framework, just send me a note and let me know how it goes. I would love to answer any questions that you have and use that information to go deeper on maybe some of the topics that you are most interested in in future episodes of the podcast.
With that, I wish you all best wishes on your journey to being the worthy leaders that I know you are. Bye for now.
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Download my FREE 15 Minute Coaching Conversation Framework and give it a try. I'd love to know how it works for you! https://www.resonantpurpose.com/download-15-minute-coaching-guide
